The Stars Have Spoken: Donald Trump’s Presidency Was Written in the Heavens (Allegedly)
Astrology is a tool of mystery and guidance, but when it comes to predicting Donald Trump’s presidency, even the stars might need a reality TV producer to keep up. With transiting Pluto, Uranus, and a Mars in Leo ego-storm at the helm, Trump’s term is set to be a cosmic rollercoaster worthy of its own Emmy. Buckle up as we take a tongue-in-cheek look at what the celestial influencers have in store.
1. The Pluto Power Grab: Rebranding the Government
Pluto in Capricorn insists on transforming outdated systems, but Trump’s interpretation might involve turning the White House into Trump House, complete with gilded walls and a rooftop golf course. As Pluto dismantles institutional structures, Trump could pioneer "extreme deregulation," streamlining agencies into a single, efficient department: The Department of Winning Bigly. Expect press conferences where he unveils his government like a grand opening of a new hotel, with Pluto grinning in approval.
2. Uranus in Taurus: The Economy Gets Shock Therapy
Uranus in Taurus brings financial innovation, but Trump might just redefine “innovation.” Perhaps he’ll announce a new currency—TrumpCoin—backed by a mix of gold, tweets, and sheer confidence. Stock markets could rally or plunge unpredictably, but Trump will attribute it all to his "phenomenal economic genius," even as economists scratch their heads in Uranian disbelief.
3. Neptune Square His Sun: Alternate Realities Abound
With Neptune squaring Trump’s Sun, the line between reality and fiction might blur entirely. Expect presidential addresses that sound like plotlines from The Apprentice: White House Edition. Perhaps he’ll claim to have brokered peace between warring alien species—on the Moon—because “nobody negotiates better than me.”
The public will either hail him as a visionary or get lost in a Neptunian fog of “alternative facts.” Meanwhile, Neptune might whisper to his speechwriters: “Make it mystical, baby.”
4. Eclipses on His Sun and Moon: Drama in Prime Time
Eclipses are like cosmic plot twists, and with Gemini and Sagittarius on the docket, Trump’s presidency could feature unexpected revelations. Did he accidentally tweet classified information? Was it intentional? The world may never know. But the eclipses promise dramatic press briefings with plotlines thicker than a spy novel.
In true Sagittarius Moon fashion, Trump will pivot from scandal to bold declarations of “the greatest comeback in history.”
5. Mars in Leo: The Bold and the Brash
With Mars in Leo leading his charge, Trump’s term could see weekly parades (starring himself) and a national campaign to rename every highway “Donald J. Trump Boulevard.” His Mars-fueled energy ensures that he’ll double down on every decision, whether it’s a good idea or not. Expect debates where he interrupts not just opponents but also moderators, cameras, and possibly the stars themselves.
6. Saturn’s Lessons: Accountability (or Avoidance)
Saturn’s slow crawl will eventually demand responsibility, but Trump might respond by declaring a national holiday: “Fake News Awareness Day.” While Saturn encourages structure, Trump’s spin could result in the restructuring of all press conferences to include a live studio audience for instant applause (or boos—ratings matter).
Saturn’s ultimate lesson may come in the form of unexpected legal battles, but Trump will likely frame these as “biggest witch hunts in history” while simultaneously selling "Trump Justice Kits" for the discerning citizen.
Final Cosmic Punchline: A Legacy in the Stars (and Social Media)
Astrologically, Trump’s presidency is a combustible cocktail of bold reforms, unrelenting drama, and Neptunian escapades. Whether history remembers him as a disruptor or a cosmic curveball, one thing is clear: the stars never predicted anything boring. By the end of his term, we may have a government that operates entirely on Trump-branded NFTs, a new galactic peace treaty with Saturn (the planet, not the transit), and a nation still recovering from the shockwaves of his celestial showmanship.
Will the stars ever recover? Only time—and perhaps the next astrologer—can tell.